Godkiller - The Lumberjack Journal - 10 - God's Favorite Mortal

I never imagined myself becoming a wordbearer. Honestly, I still haven’t come to terms with the fact. I much preferred my past as an architect, but I think reminiscing has lost its purpose. I do not deserve that luxury.

The life I yearn for was destroyed long ago, and I am largely responsible. It pains me to think how far the world has drifted from the light. Modern life is primitive. Violent. It sickens me to my core to see people forced to live like this. Then again, the world before had technically been based on a lie. Maybe Zol is better off?

I remember when I used to feel the Watcher’s gaze on me, like an ever-present midday sun. I was so hopeful. Until the truth came to light, that is. To be a dishonest god’s favorite mortal is an intimidating thing indeed. I came to see him like a father. Not in the divine sense that many do. More literally. A father who saw a world of endless opportunity in their child, and expected far too much of them.

Why must I bear his word? It makes me physically ill to imagine the watcher’s thoughts on me now. The imagery that he forced into my mind when we declared war on the gods was some of the most horrific and enraged things I had ever seen. Few things compare to The Watcher’s Wrath. It’s strange being cut off from them now. My contempt for him, for all of them, is so profound, but I can’t help feeling guilty. How much of it had been our fault?

My brother was always a comfort on this subject. Despite the chaos, his perspective was always sound. Resolute. I miss him so much.